Thursday, June 30, 2011

I'm the Boss

(Note to reader:  Parts in black should be read with a Jersey accent.)

Okay guys, see those hills up there?

"Sure do."
 "See what?  I can't see anything, I'm in the back." 
"Oh yeah, I see 'em.  Sure you want to do this?"

Yeah, I'm sure.  Let's get going.

"Let's do this!!!"
"I'm with ya, Boss!"
"I wish I could see where you're taking me."

Okay, first problem I'm noticing is that Calves need to not hurt so much.

"No can do, boss.  Those are category H hills and we can't be expected to be all laid back about this.  We're gonna hurt, but we'll try to keep you from cramping up."

There are categories to hills?  What's a category H?

"Um, the H stands for 'hell.'  Those are hills from hell, boss."

Great, just do your best.  And Butt?

"Yeah, boss?"

You don't need to giggle so much.

"Right-o, Boss!"

Um, Butt, you're still....well you're still giggling.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention....I'm a butt and well, I giggle.  It's in my contract."

Forgot about that.   Could you at least be a little firmer by the end of this run?

"You betcha boss, but the firmness might only be visible under a microscope and we both know you don't anyone coming at your butt with a microscope!  Ha, ha"

Shut up, Butt.

"No problem, boss."

Alright, ugh, Side, you're kind of aching a bit.

"That would be your typical 'Side-Ache', boss."

Could ya stop?

"Uh, you gotta breathe better for me, boss, and then I can stop aching.  You might want to take this up with Lungs."

Right!  Yeah, Lungs, you wanna help me out here?

"Sure thing, boss!  We're getting stronger with every step, you just keep on going."

You can't just breathe better right now?

"Yeah, the body you were issued didn't come with the Elite Runner Lung package, so you're going to have to work for those kind of lungs."


"What was that, boss?"

Nothing.  Ugh, come on guys, I need to make it up this last hill and then all the way back to the car.

"We're behind you, boss!"

"Especially me, boss!"

Shut up, Butt.

"You betcha, boss!"

Oh, goodness, I can't do this.  I can't take another step.

"Yes you can.  You can do this!"

Who is that?

"I'm Head, boss! I'm new around here."

What are you supposed to be doing?

"I'm here to make sure you don't quit, boss!"

How are you going to do that?

"I'm your head!  I can bring up images of you winning a marathon, or that you're in a movie about a underdog runner who beats the odds!"

Does that stuff really work?

"Let's try it out, boss!"

Wow!  You're good, Head!  Okay, I CAN do this, I'm gonna make it.  Okay, guys, everyone put in everything you've got and get me back to the car!

"You got it, boss!"
"Hey, guys!  Boss wants us to kick it into high gear!"
"No prob, boss!"

Wow, I'm going a lot faster.  You sure you can handle it, Legs?

"We can if you can, boss!"

Ha ha! Look at us go!  We've made it!  Great job guys!

"Thanks, boss!"
"See ya tomorrow, boss, bright and early."
"Good job, boss.  See on the next run."

Let's go for a soak, guys, on me!

"You're the best, boss!"

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